were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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