Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
