Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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