I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
