it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
