mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
