Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
