my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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