i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
