booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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