I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
