wanna go halves on a baby?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
