it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
