Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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