It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
