Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
