just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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