there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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