like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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