her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
