i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize