i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so let's talk penis.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
