11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
