So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
