she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
