in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
