He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize