It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
