Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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