apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
