It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
