can u get pink eye on your cock?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
