Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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