No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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