I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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