You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
