I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
