my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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