every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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