Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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