Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
