I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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