Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
