It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she smelled like a LAN party
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
