im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
