i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
