Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
