The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
