omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
