His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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