Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
