he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize