you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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