the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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