Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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