I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
