she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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