How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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