we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
