Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize