You really coming over, don't trick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
