can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
