What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
