Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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